Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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