Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
