It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
