I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
