If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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