I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
