pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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