I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
