I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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