it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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