my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
