if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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