how can u be prego again
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
