I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
