theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
