my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
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