so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
