4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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