Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
