i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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