considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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