You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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