He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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