South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
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She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
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How does one acquire holy water?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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