come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
