Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
