Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
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Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
two words: eviction party
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
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Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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