and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
