How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
