So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
