i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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