where am i from again
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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