i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
