I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
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