I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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