i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
