Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
