wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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