I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
