I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
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