I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
