I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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