I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
