you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
