I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
