my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
