So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
