It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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