Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
He has the fingertips of a God
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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