I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I want a musical about memes.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
