I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
