one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
