If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
