Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
