Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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