He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
FUCK WHALES
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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