I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
