Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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