I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
