Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
