Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
