Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I need a burrito and a hug.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
