dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
