So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
