none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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