Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize