this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
