He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
