There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
