I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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