you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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