Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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