I cannot find my penis.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize