i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
