oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
