no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
