I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
