I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
