Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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